cranapplejuiceadvocate:

me whispering to my dog in the dark: hey.. you still up?

(Source: hatponytail)

ihills:

me as a parent:

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  • Chocolate: Raw nuts/seeds.
  • Oily/Fatty Snacks: Kale, leafy greens.
  • Soda/Carbonated Drinks: Actual, literal bubbles.
  • Chips/Salty Food: Topsoil.
  • Cookies: Freudian psychology.
  • Sweet Tea: A strong Southern gentleman to take care of you.
  • Pasta/Carbs: Pasta/Carbs.
  • Ice: The sweet release of death.
  • gayleaf:

    you’re not allowed to wear a cotton t-shirt unless you’re a true fan! do you go to the fields and look at it? do you appreciate the agricultural implications of a gigantic cotton industry? do you understand the harvesting process? name 5 cotton harvesting machines. didn’t think so

    australiansanta:

    nervously talkin to someone really attractive like

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    I am trying to see things in perspective. My dog wants a bite of my peanut butter chocolate chip bagel. I know she cannot have this, because chocolate makes dogs very sick. My dog does not understand this. She pouts and wraps herself around my leg like a scarf and purrs and tries to convince me to give her just a tiny bit. When I do not give in, she eventually gives up and lays in the corner, under the piano, drooping and sad. I hope the universe has my best interest in mind like I have my dog’s. When I want something with my whole being, and the universe withholds it from me, I hope the universe thinks to herself: "Silly girl. She thinks this is what she wants, but she does not understand how it will hurt.
    ― THEORIES ABOUT THE UNIVERSE by Blythe Baird (via shroomfairy)

    Okay but why does your dog purr

    (via llttlemermaid)

    (Source: blythebrooklyn)

    humorprince:

    it’s really hard when you’re in a group of friends and each of them has their own “best friend” in the group.

    highlyglamorous:

    when you’re trying to be cute in a text and you type-o

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